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Don’t Shave That Hair!!!

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Don’t Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. „Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. „How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. „Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. „There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: „It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.”

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair – ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn’t enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn’t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON’T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

Wersja polskawa:

Nie gól tych włosów!
Mam ostatnio popełnił błąd w moim życiu, i zaoferować ci moją historię, że można dowiedzieć się z mojego błędu. Wszystko zaczęło się, jak wiele rzeczy zrobić, u mnie problemy z wypróżnianiem.

Nie, nie byłem zaparcie, to nie był problem, ale regularność kwestią techniki. Wydaje się, mój tyłek-włosy wzrosła do takiej długości, że mały kupki kawałki były stale coraz związany w kołtunowaty dżungli między pośladki. Doprowadziło to do rozczarowania, ze świadomością, że do mnie nadal coś do spadku, ale nie jest w stanie wstrząsnąć wytrwale łajno luźne od włosy tyłkowe mieszkania. W końcu będę musiał zrobić dwie rzeczy: albo zdejmować niektóre z papieru i spróbuj szczypta poza sobą bochenek (co wymaga starannej precyzyjne, aby uniknąć smarowanie stworzenie całej mojej tyłu, zwłaszcza od czasu, kiedy nie sposób zobaczyć co robię ) lub po prostu pójść na złamał rozpocząć wycieranie, i mam nadzieję, że będę mógł usunąć wszystkie resztki fecal sprawę do papieru toaletowego osiągnął Can’t-Be-spłukiwanych progu.

Byłem rozważających ten problem, gdy miałem to, co wydawało się w tym czasie się jasne pomysł. „Hej! To jest mój tyłek i mój tyłek-włosy, prawda? Więc dlaczego nie mogę po prostu wyeliminować wszystkie włosy, a następnie moje kawały kupa będą kierowane jak piwo z beczki! I rzekł do siebie. Jest to oświadczenie, że będzie się w historii z wielu innych żałować oświadczenia. „Jak wielu Hindusów może nie być?” powiedział przez Custer. „Wygląda na to dobry dzień na dysku!” przez JFK. „Nie! America On-Line ma teraz pełny dostęp do grup dyskusyjnych!” przez niektórych idiota systemu tech. Taki był mój analny golenia pomysł.

I wykonanie operacji nocy z tanią rozporządzalny brzytwa i ręcznik do zasiadania w. Począwszy od dołu, a do golenia z roztrzaskać na policzki, i rozpoczął żmudny proces pozbawienie mój tyłek włosów. Czasami chciałbym mieć do czyszczenia brzytwa zgromadzonych włosy i różne szlamem, co robiłem przez wycieranie go na ręcznik. Powoli, mój twin kopcach i między-wąwozu zaczął przypominać bezwłosych policzki z noworodków. Wreszcie, ja brzytwa otarła się po raz ostatni, a moja praca badanych. W ręcznik został pokryty pala włosów. Mój tyłek był gładki jak kość słoniowa. I uśmiechnięty, zadowolony, myśli moje problemy były ponad.

Little nie wiem.

Mam teraz wielki szacunek dla anal-włosy. Podobnie jak w tym świecie wszystko, co Bóg stworzył, to jego potężny w celu istnienia. Dopiero po usunięciu Miałam to, że zacząłem się uczyć, jak bardzo było to biorąc za pewnik. Po pierwsze, przewiduje tarcia. Nauczyłem się tego na następny dzień, kiedy chodził obecnie pod słońcem pozycji dla klasy. Wspinaczka po dwa loty schodów i zaczyna potu, zacząłem dostrzegać coś nieprzyjemnego. Pocie było narastanie w moim roztrzaskać i powoduje nieprzyjemne uczucie z moich dwóch ostatnich asscheeks wysuwaną wzajemnie z każdym kroku. Myślałem o przejściu do łazienki i wycieranie go, ale aby dostać się do klasy. Ostatecznie, myślałem, że suche.

Niestety, to nie jest suchy, ale tylko po mingling z mikroskopijnych cząsteczek gówno-zastarzały wokół mojej brązowy rozgwiazda. Kiedy stał się po klasie, moje policzki były zablokowane wraz z śluzowaty sticky shit / mieszanina potu. Jak w mojej drodze powrotnej do mojej sypialni, to zaczął swędzenia. Bóg-DAMN, czy to grzybica! Filc jak Rój mrówek był sposób podejmowania i moje roztrzaskać. Walka na bieżąco z mojej strony zagłuszania tam i zarysowania daleko, I Ruszyli z powrotem do akademika.

Niestety znowu, tym wysiłku spowodowane mnie pot, a kiedy w końcu osiągnął mój pokój, moje policzki były poślizg iz powrotem ze sobą jak para horny trzciny ropuchy. I szybko spadły moje spodnie, i próbował suchego my ass off by trzymać go z przodu wentylatora i szerzenie moje policzki. Jak odciąga dwóch kopców mięsa wyjątkiem, a straszny smród pęknięcie wolnej i wypełnia pokój. Każdy pies w bloku 4 promieniu zaczął wyć. Miałem to najgorszy ze wszystkich, jako dojrzały aromat festering shit / potu poszedł do wentylatora i Blew powrót na mojej twarzy. I natarł na bieżąco z falujący. A jak tam sobota, walka wymiotów, my ass cheeks rozprzestrzeniania i kapiącą z koncentratu zapachu mojego ciała zapach mieszanego z tangy zapach moje gówno dmuchanie w prawo w mojej twarzy, miałem tylko jedną myśl: „To będzie jak tego do włosów rośnie powrotem. tygodni „.

Później, starając się zająć jak najlepiej mogę, wycieranie mój tyłek przy każdej okazji, odkryłem inny wspaniały używać dla osła-hair – wentylacja. I próbował uruchomić fart, tylko do jego utknąć między asscheeks. Najwidoczniej, bez włosów, dwa różowe bliźnięta mogą dostać próżni zaplombowane, a wynik był frustrating fart że slid górę iw dół między policzki jak utracone gerbil.

Jakby tego było mało, jestem teraz trwałą dalszych tortur. Każdy, kto kiedykolwiek ogolił coś wie, kiedy włosy rosnące w pierwszym, jak to jest w słomkę. Wyobraź sobie dupę posiadający teksturę o brillo opuszki. Cóż, to co mam do czynienia z obecnie. Jest potępieńczy tortur i wiele razy po prostu patrzeć przez okno i kontemplować dlaczego nie tylko wyskoczyć i dostać wszystko w jednym z ponad mięsistych ikona, zamiast znieść tego ciągłego agonii.

Przyjaciele, nie golcie wasze tyłek włosy!

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